Adaptivity & Resilience: Reframing
In This Episode
Ever wondered how to turn the negative into the positive for yourself and others? Learn the leadership skill of reframing in this episode.
Transcript
Vanessa Tanicien, narrating: Hello, and welcome to The LeaderLab, the podcast powered by LifeLabs Learning, where we study what exceptional leaders do differently. Each week we distill our findings into powerful tipping point skills, the small changes that tip over to make the biggest impact in the shortest time. The result? You become a better leader, faster. I'm your host, Vanessa Tanicien. And I'm a facilitator at LifeLabs Learning and a leadership development nerd. Throughout this month, we are focusing on the macro skill of adaptivity and resilience. "Why focus here", you ask? Great question. This is the skill you need to bend versus break when shit gets real and life throws all the unexpected things your way. And that pretty much describes all of our lives right now. And today to talk about reframing, I bring you our co-CEO at LifeLabs, author, Ted speaker, avocado enthusiast and emotion researcher, Tania Luna. Tania, what's reframing?
Tania Luna: Well, since we are in the laboratory of the LeaderLab, Vanessa, how about we actually recreate an experiment I used to help conduct at the emotion regulation lab originally run by Dr. Tracy Dennis?
Vanessa Tanicien: Okay. Let's do it.
Tania Luna: Okay. I have your consent to take part in this experiment?
Vanessa Tanicien: And now you're making me rethink my yes.
Tania Luna: It's too late. I heard consent. Okay. So I promise you that's not how we actually conduct research. So I'm going to play a sound for you of a dog. I'm going to play you this sound and let's get your reaction.
Tania Luna: Okay. What is your immediate appraisal of this particular dog?
Vanessa Tanicien: Honestly, my hand went to my chest and I sort of had a clutching of pearls action going on. So I didn't exactly love that.
Tania Luna: Okay. So here's the truth about this dog. This is a recording of a service dog protecting a little girl. So I'm going to play you the sound again and just see how you respond.
Tania Luna: Okay. How are you feeling about this dog now?
Vanessa Tanicien: Well, I guess when you paint that picture, I'm imagining Lassie barking at the villain to save the old lady from their clutches. So it's a lot more of a valiant effort from the pup.
Tania Luna: Exactly. So what we used to do in our lab is show people emotionally charged photos, like a snarling dog, for example. And either have them see just the image or see the image and hear recording of my voice, giving a backstory like, "this as a service dog". Meanwhile, we monitored their brain wave activity. And what we found is that the story we told about the image completely changed the way the brain processed that image. So it was almost like they were looking at two totally different pictures, which I found so fascinating because it meant that it's not what you see that matters. It's how you appraise what you're looking at that matters. In psychology, we call this cognitive appraisal, and if you change your perspective, reappraisal. In everyday language, we call this reframing.
Vanessa Tanicien: Yeah. That's kind of mind blowing. It reminds me of that saying "perception is reality".
Tania Luna: Yes.
Vanessa Tanicien: So I'm wondering, what's the big takeaway?
Tania Luna: For me, the takeaway, for myself as an individual, is that it's not the situation that impacts us so much as how we appraise the situation. As a leader, I often think "how can I help people expand their frame?" Sometimes when someone has a problem, my immediate reaction is to help them solve the problem. Instead, what is more practical is when I step back and I go, "how can I help them actually first figure out how they want to frame the problem"? And it's really hard to change that immediate appraisal or frame, but what we all can get better at is strengthening our reframing skills and helping the people around us change and improve their reframing skills as well.
Vanessa Tanicien: Well, that sounds pretty powerful. I'm curious, how does a person go about actually doing that, with someone else or for themselves?
Tania Luna: Yeah, I think it starts with yourself first. Like with many leadership skills, you have to start by noticing the immediate frame, which is easier said than done because we tend to go around thinking that we are just looking at reality, just looking at truth. But of course, as you said, truth is a matter of perception. So it starts with noticing your own frame. So for example, maybe as a leader, something we've been hearing a lot is I have no idea how to talk to my team about racism right now. Now that's your frame. You feel stuck, you feel incompetent.
Tania Luna: But notice what happens if you deliberately reframe and ask yourself, "well, how else can I look at this situation"? So for example, a helpful reframe could be, "yeah, I'm not good at this yet, but this is an opportunity for me to learn and maybe even get even closer with my team".
Tania Luna: So as a leader, again, first and foremost, focus on yourself so that you are not overwhelmed by the situations around you. And then you can help others reframe by asking reframing questions. And the point isn't to invalidate what they're feeling. So if they come to you and they go, "Ugh, I'm terrible at my job. Or I'm so frustrated by my work". The point isn't to go, "your frame is wrong", but to go, "yeah, I hear you. Would it be helpful if we also explored some ways to change how you're looking at this and experiment with a few different re-frames"?
Vanessa Tanicien: Okay. This is sounding pretty alluring. Can we try it?
Tania Luna: Yeah, we can. Okay. So that's great actually, because I'll give you an example of what you can do if someone comes to you and they're feeling frustrated by something, how can you ask them some reframing questions to help them experiment and explore different frames? So, Vanessa, is there a frame that you are currently stuck in? What's something that you're feeling even just a little bit frustrated about today?
Vanessa Tanicien: Today, in this moment, I am pretty frustrated with myself for feeling as tired as I am, which I feel like I should be on my A game, but I'm honestly feeling more like on a C plus, maybe B minus right now. And that is not, it's not ideal.
Tania Luna: Okay. And tell me a little bit more about that frame. Like what's something that, maybe some critical thoughts that you're having about yourself or your situation right now?
Vanessa Tanicien: I mean so many critical thoughts. Like I should know better. I shouldn't have had that last passion-fruit cooler at the park. I should have, perhaps not gone on my run this morning to conserve some energy. I'm in a frame of a little bit of beat up mode because I feel like being tired is all my fault right now.
Tania Luna: Yeah. Okay. All right. Thank you, first of all for sharing that with me and the entire universe that's listening right now.
Vanessa Tanicien: Yes. I don't regret the wine cooler, I regret the effects of the wine cooler, everybody.
Tania Luna: All right. So, let's experiment with just a few different re-frame. If you were to ask yourself questions like, "well, how else can I look at this? Or what can I learn from this situation"? What pops up for you?
Vanessa Tanicien: Hmm. Well, it's even interesting to step into thinking about that question because there's a little bit of a compassion that sort of laid in within saying what else is coming up. So I think that even brings me to the idea of like mindfulness and compassion for my state. So, okay. Going back to my joke about like B plus energy, I think that making that okay would be a big step for me, so.
Tania Luna: Okay. So maybe the world is making you tired today because it wants to give you a lesson in self-compassion and it wants to make you okay with being just okay sometimes.
Vanessa Tanicien: Perhaps I'm a little softer today, so maybe it's not about being tired, but it's a little mushier around the edges and sometimes that's okay too.
Tania Luna: Yeah. Okay. So reframe number one is: today I'm going to use this as an opportunity to learn, to have more self-compassion. Reframe number two is: maybe I'm not tired, maybe I'm just feeling comfortable, right? Like maybe, it's a sweatpants day.
Vanessa Tanicien: I think I would go with option A, it makes me feel a bit more empowered to bring that into my life, that today is a B plus day and that's okay. Oh, we should definitely make a sticker.
Tania Luna: The most mediocre sticker ever.
Vanessa Tanicien: Maybe, I think people would be into it.
Tania Luna: So I'm curious. So how does that feel for you just kind of experimenting with some different frames of the situation?
Vanessa Tanicien: You know, it's interesting that even talking through different lenses of how to even approach my situation was empowering, and then deciding which of those two options feels better is even more fun. It's like it puts me back in the driver's seat.
Tania Luna: I think that's a really great distilling of this reframing tool because it's not so much even about finding the perfect frame. It's about recognizing that all of these frames are options and there's no such thing as just one way of looking at the situation. Let's adjust and find the way to look at the situation that's going to be most productive for us.
Vanessa Tanicien: All right. That is so exciting because it brings us to da-da-da our experiment of the week. So Tania, I'm curious, what do we have in store for people today?
Tania Luna: Yeah. So if you want to turn your own life into a lab this week, just start by noticing negative appraisals you have about people in situations, especially thoughts, like "it's all their fault" or "this is completely out of my control". The next thing you want to do once you've spotted your own frame is reframe. Ask yourself, "how else can I look at this"? Start by getting good at doing this for yourself. And then as a leader, help others do it too, by asking reframing questions like, "Hey, how else can we look at this"?
Vanessa Tanicien: So good. Well thank you so much, Tania, for stopping by. And that is a wrap at the LeaderLab this week. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode. And leave us a review and spread the word so we can all benefit from having more great leaders in the world. Share your questions and insights with us on Twitter or Instagram @LifeLabsLearning. And to bring training to your team, visit LifeLabsLearning.com. And we'll see you next time. Ciao!
